Red light district

At the gym this week, I discovered a piece of equipment that would allow me to exercise and read at the same time: it's some sort of bizarre arse/thigh-toning cardio machine. Anyway, I had no reading material with me so was forced to rely on The Times, the local English-language newspaper. While it has a dull-as-ditchwater style and lacks a decent copy editor, it is full of gems like this:

On the home front, the mission [in Afghanistan] has continued to fuel discussion. This week, the media was captivated by Annemarie Jorrtisma, President of Taskforce Women, Safety and Conflict, who suggested that prostitutes be sent on foreign missions to reduce sexual tension, which could prevent confrontation with locals and internal problems with sexual harrassment.

While the paper went on to quote the Ministry of Defence rubbishing the idea, nobody bothered to talk to the prostitutes potentially involved. It's one thing sitting in a window overlooking a beautiful canal in Amsterdam and servicing the pissed/stoned tourists who wander by, and quite another going into a combat zone in countries not renowned for their tolerance of sexuality in women to relieve stressed soldiers. Can't they just put bromide in the water supply like proper (19th century) armies?

My other favorite story was about the death of a former civil servant and possible money launderer for top criminals in the prostitution sector. (Sector? What is it, a service industry? Oh right, I guess it is.)

According to sources, it is not likely [name] committed suicide for personal reasons. In the last few weeks, he was busy restructuring one of his brothels bought at the end of the 90s with loans from Cyprus.

Doesn't this sound like it should be an Endemol reality show? Extreme Brothel Makeover, perhaps, or maybe just The Brothel. Three couples compete to remodel and relaunch brothels in Amsterdam, hire the new girls (a variation on Holland's Next Top Model), and pull in paying punters. The couple that sells it on to the biggest criminal in the sector wins. I'd watch! And given the Dutch predeliction for both makeover shows and sex on TV, I'm sure lots of other people would, too.