Yesterday was a cruel reminder of my inability to properly use airport toilets -- at both Schiphol and Heathrow. Wait! That's not what I meant! I can "use" them well enough, but I can't make them flush. You see, they've replaced manual flushers with those ones that are meant to flush automatically when you stand up ... or, usually in my case, sit down. I've been caught, pants-down (literally), on them more times than I care to remember, yet, inevitably, I'll have to stand up and dance around the cubicle several times to get the damn things to flush once I'm, erm, done. More often than not, they won't flush at all and I'll slink out, shame-faced, leaving some poor woman in the queue to contemplate my execretions. Other people don't seem to have this problem, although they can often take a bewildering amount of time between flushing and actual exiting the cubicle. The only time the toilets fail to work for others is when the cubicle in occupied by a middle-aged woman and her extremely elderly mother who's just managed to contract explosive diarrhea on their long-haul flight into Heathrow. It's true: I've "heard" it happen.
Was that too much information?
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