Bottom of the class

Another Tuesday evening, another yoga class. In this week’s lesson, I discovered one of the greatest benefits of the headstand position: it makes shoulder stand feel like a piece of cake. I have real difficulty in finding the requisite uplift of my shoulders and lightness of body to make this posture anything other than depressing. Also depressing is my overall lack of flexibility compared with my classmates (I’m discounting the teachers for they are professionally bendy). As I struggle to bend forward more than an inch or two, I glance around the room in the hope that someone else will be as stiff as me – to no avail. No one else seems to have bulging thighs and hips that get in the way of the movement. Everyone else not only touches the floor, but rests their hands flat on it.* I’m stuck, eyes at stomach-level, cursing again the gene that meant I am condemned to remain distant from the ground. It’s not much better with prone positions, as my (ahem) chest tends to get in the way. (I do excel at the supine postures though, particularly the relaxation bit at the beginning and end. I think I’m going to continue practicing that one at home as frequently as possible.) In fact, I usually exit the class feeling happiest when I've managed to avoid falling over, falling asleep, or breaking wind (loudly), rather than through achieving an enlightened mind/body alignment. However, I'm sure it must be doing me more good than harm, and I will therefore persevere.

*Perhaps this has something to do with the way the Dutch ride their bicycles. The men pedal along, legs akimbo and at right angles to their hips, big flappy feet stuck out across the pedals. It doesn’t look like a natural or even comfortable position, but perhaps it guarantees additional rotation in the hips. The women adopt the opposite position, usually cycling with their knees pressed tightly together so that they don’t reveal the colour of the underwear to the whole world. It’s remarkably difficult to avoid doing that if you’re wearing a skirt. My upright cycling position and knees that are in line with the hips is clearly doing me no good whatsoever when it comes to hip flexibility.