Stanmore Grannies rule

When I was an enthusiastic young thing, I was a keen member of the Stanmore Tennis Club. There, I leapt about the courts with unusual grace and athleticism -- singles or doubles, just happy to be thwacking a ball about with vim and vigour. Club nights, however, were always a bit of a spirit-dampening affair. My fellow teenagers and I would be fired up, keen to show off our Lendl-esque backhands down the line, only to be thwarted by the might of the Stanmore Grannies. These more mature club members would stand in the middle of the court, barely moving the zimmerframe, but always hitting the ball back over the net -- plop plop plop. No tricks, no flashy play, no sprinting was involved, but after a while, you'd find yourself exhausted and 4-1 down.

Reader, today I played Stanmore Granny table-tennis. After being thrashed in the first game of a ladder match by an experienced young buck, I dug deep into my memory banks, slowed down, and started just hitting every ball flat back over the net. No spin, no chopping, no slicing, no outrageous cross-table smashes, just plop plop plop. And it almost worked; the second match was considerably closer than the first as I forced my opponent into multiple mistakes. Revenge will be mine in the return match, oh yes!

I now feel very old. Stanmore Granny old.