The first signs of Spring

Not the lengthening evenings, slightly warmer temperatures, or even the daffodils – just a month late. No, I’m talking about the fair-weather joggers that have appeared in the Vondelpark in the past few days. Taking up the cycle paths – God forbid that they should use the pavements – and dashing out across roads from behind bushes, these inexperienced runners are a menace to bikers.

Worse still is the knowledge that they merely presage the appearance of a much greater danger: roller-bladers. Some fool decided to open a skate hire shop at one end of the park. The result? Incompetent bladers taking up all of the road with their flailing limbs and sudden stops and starts. The competent ones aren’t much better, placing little cones in the middle of the cycle path so that they can weave in and out like little rats in a maze.

(However, at least the current parlous state of the park might deter some of the less-dedicated "athletes". As usual, the council decided to start on its annual process of digging up parts of the park in January; the resulting 3 months of cold, wet weather meant that little took place beyond moving bits of machinery in and fencing off lanes and land. But the past week has seen the excavation of shallow pits in most of the roads – or death-traps for cyclists and bladers alike – no doubt to be left empty until after Queen’s Day on April 30 – after all, why would anyone want the Vondelpark to look good on one of Amsterdam’s biggest days of the year?)

Close behind the roller-bladers come the “hippies” – goddamn f*!*!*& hippies. They’re usually foreign students on summer “vacation” from university, intent on recreating that Woodstock vibe in the park. The sound of inexpertly played bongos and guitars and the scent of marijuana and unwashed clothing will drift across the park. And to demonstrate just how close to nature (man!) they really are, they’ll leave beer cans, crisp packets, and impromptu apple bongs strewn across the grass – relying on The Man to clean it up for them. I’d like to recreate that Monterey Hell’s Angel vibe with every one of them that fails to use the rubbish bins.

I hate hippies. And joggers. And roller-bladers.

But at least I’m not letting them get to me.